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Candle And Flowers

"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die." — Thomas Campbell

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​"Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go." — Jamie Anderson

Planning a memorial service is an entirely different emotional landscape—one where the choices feel heavier because they are an act of final tribute.   You are called upon to be a highly detailed project manager at the exact same time you are an emotional grieving wreck.  That's a lot to ask so I help you make informed choices as we plan the service together.  Here's some decisions I will guide you through: 

 

The Atmosphere & Setting

  • Traditional or celebratory? (A somber formal service or a "Celebration of Life"?)

  • Public or private? (Open to the community or an intimate gathering of inner-circle friends?)

  • Formal chapel or a personal "third place"? (A church/funeral home or a park, brewery, or backyard?)

  • Structured or "open-house" style? (A set start time with a program or a window of time for visiting?)

  • Black attire or a "tribute" dress code? (Classic mourning clothes or wearing the deceased’s favorite color/sports team?)

 

The Storytelling & Voices

  • Eulogy or a series of "shared memories"? (One main speech or several short vignettes from different people?)

  • Chronological or thematic? (Telling their life story from birth to death, or focusing on their core passions and values?)

  • Scripted or "open mic"? (A tight schedule of speakers or an invitation for guests to stand and share?)

  • Religious readings or favorite literature? (Scripture and hymns or poetry, song lyrics, and movie quotes?)

  • A "Life Review" video or a static photo gallery? (A produced slideshow with music or physical boards for people to walk through?)

 

The Rituals of Remembrance

  • Open or closed casket/urn? (The physical presence of the remains as a focal point or a portrait?)

  • Candle lighting or a "living" tribute? (A moment of silence with candles or planting a tree/releasing seeds?)

  • Pallbearers or "honorary" mentions? (Physical participation in the procession or recognition in the program?)

  • Traditional "processional" or a casual gathering? (Entering the space formally or already being present when guests arrive?)

  • A "moment of silence" or a "final toast"? (Ending with quiet reflection or a collective cheer?)

 

The Sensory & Final Details

  • Live acoustic music or a recorded "legacy" playlist? (The raw emotion of a soloist or the specific songs they loved in the car?)

  • Floral arrangements or "donations in lieu of"? (Abundant flowers or a focus on a cause they cared about?)

  • Printed programs or a digital "memorial site"? (A physical keepsake to take home or a QR code with a lasting digital tribute?)

  • Catered meal or "comfort food" potluck? (A formal reception or the specific snacks and drinks they were known for?)

  • A "guest book" or a "memory jar"? (Just names and addresses or specific written stories from the attendees?)

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